II never went out a lot in high-school. It’s not like I couldn’t find the right people or have the time. I wanted someone to rely on and I wanted someone to text or confide in at no matter what part of the day and it’ll still be ok. Friend or more than friends, and no matter what part of me always told others “I don’t need anyone” pained me as I knew deep down I needed company. Sometimes I do feel a bit lost, confused in the busyness of other people’s lives and felt different to everyone else. He’s proud to have me, he showed me ways to love myself, he took me out a lot and showed me that going out is sometimes a good way to distress myself, he showed me how to love not only him but pushed me into the direction to love and be comfortable with other people and not be scared of people like I have always been. We see each other five days a week, we know each other’s subjects, we speak to other day and night. Sometimes I think we know each other too much. Good thing you say? We know what to say to make each other happy, but also which buttons to push to make each other completely mad. But sometimes, I do feel like if he is ever taken away from me, I will be so lost. I used to be fine being independent and alone on my own, and now I am like this. There isn’t god without the bad huh?
p.s: I must get off at the next train station now. This train is so delayed :(
#citygirl #goldentrees #phoneisprettymuchfilledwithpicturesoftrees #haha @SouthgateAvenue
-Roasted Beef and Buffalo Wings @LazyMoes yummm
-Sunset going home on bus.
-Sun baking @Edgewater The chairs you can lay on are awesome.
-Stopping by the pet shop and seeing fish @Victoria Gardens Shopping Centre, Richmond
You gotta admit, no matter how much we try, you and I will never be close as friends should be… so lets cut this pretentious act and put our time into something more worthwhile. You don’t even like who I am, why are you trying so hard to be nice?
There are friends you can talk about clothes with, there are friends you can talk about lab work with, there are friends you can talk about what our parents won’t let us do, there are friends you can makes jokes with, there are friends you can talk about daily life to, there are friends who are just easy to be around, there are friends who understand why you do the things you do in relationships, etc.
But sometimes I think if I were to sit down one on one with you, what would we even talk about? There are these friendships which I keep an eye on the most.
Even though I am a girl of quiet nature, I’m not that stupid to fall into believing that you actually care.
Ever have too many people in your life who are in between the categories of acquaintances and friends? Yeah, I got too many of those.
Sweets for the weekend 😍 #guiltyas
Managed all areas of my life lately… love life, family, work, study, friends and extra commitments… even university acquaintances, how about that.
But I’ve had no time to scroll through my daily dose of Tumblr. :”(
It is also depressing waking up at 7.30 on a Saturday. #stupidbodyclock.
You know, I don’t think you ever really forget your first love. They’re the one that made your second love possible. Sometimes you want to throw your hands up in the air and say Fuck it to them, but they paved the way for all the other bodies after them. There’s so much beauty in every thunderstorm, so many strangers’ hands touching every day, once, and then maybe they touch again years later, yet no one ever realizes it. Your first love is like no other; you’d stay out past your curfew for them, key cars for them, steal liquor from the drugstore for them, do silly, unimaginable, ridiculous things for them that you’d never do normally.
So many of us think we depend on loneliness when really loneliness is something that depends on us. It’s something that you have to starve slowly so you can kill it and throw it away. God, what a terrible thing it is to love, isn’t it? To sit in the back of an abnormal psychology class or a human relations class and feel the tension between you and the person sitting in front of you so palpably, so real you could almost reach out and touch it, like an electric current stretching between the two of you. And the back of their neck, that curve that ends in the darkness of their shirt, the dark hair trailing down the white skin. They’re just so unapologetically human.
And to love that first love so much, to crave them like a drug, to love them so hard you could crush their heart between your fingers like an egg shell; they’re like one of those baby birds that falls out of its mother’s nest and cracks its head on the pavement-you love them that bad. That hard.
And when that first love loves you back, you could kill yourself from the wanting. The wanting is worse when you’re actually with them. You want their legs, to touch their body, their hair, their skin. You fall in love with the way they eat their soup with a fork or their sleepy yawns. Lightning storms are nothing compared to the current of human desire; it carries a maximum voltage like nothing scientists have ever seen. Let me tell you something. There’s a reason Snow White ate that poisoned apple.
There’s a reason your first love never goes away-
they were just practice for your last love.